The Educator’s Role in Times of Loss
When a pupil experiences the death of a loved one, such as a particularly a parent or close family member, school can become both a refuge. As an educator, you may feel unsure of what to say or how best to help, but your role can be hugely supportive during this time. The stability, structure, and compassion offered may be one of the few constants in a young person's life when everything else feels uncertain. Children who have been bereaved during the summer holidyas may face the doom of having to retun to school after having experienced a huge loss. Children who loose significant others during term time will need additional pastoral support, ensuring special considerations are taken around exams, assessments, and any other responsabilities. Here are some tips for educators on how to support children:
Acknowledge the Loss with Sensitivity
The first step is to acknowledge the loss with care. A gentle ‘I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, I'm here if you ever need anything’, can offer reassurance without placing pressure on the pupil to respond. Many grieving children and young people feel isolated, as though no one knows what to say to them. Simply showing that you care, without probing for details, helps them feel seen and supported.
2. Provide Stability with Flexibility
Creating a supportive and predictable environment is vital. While you may need to offer some flexibility, such as extending deadlines or adjusting expectations, maintaining classroom routines can also offer comfort. The regular rhythm of school, handled with patience and understanding, can be grounding for a grieving child.
3. Communicate and Collaborate
Clear communication is essential. If possible, liaise with the child’s family and work closely with pastoral staff, school counsellors, or the SENCo (Special Educational Needs Coordinator). These connections ensure that all adults supporting the pupil are informed and can anticipate significant dates, such as birthdays, anniversaries, or school events, that might resurface the grief.
4. Understand Varied Grief Responses
Grief manifests differently depending on age, personality, and circumstance. Younger children may not yet grasp the permanence of death and could show regressive behaviours or repeat questions. Adolescents might display anger, withdrawal, or existential questioning. Allow room for these reactions. Behavioural changes are often an expression of grief rather than defiance.
5. Encourage Safe and Creative Expression
Provide opportunities for pupils to express themselves in a way that feels natural to them, whether that’s through writing, art, music, or simply having quiet time. Some may wish to talk, others may not. Respect their pace. Where appropriate, signpost them to school-based or community bereavement services for additional support.
6. Be a Steady, Caring Presence
Above all, your presence matters. You do not need to have all the answers to be helpful. Continue to greet the pupil warmly, include them in classroom activities, and offer a consistent, calm presence. Your classroom might be one of the few places where they feel a sense of normality.
7. Look After Yourself
Supporting a bereaved pupil can be emotionally challenging, especially if you’ve experienced personal loss. Reflect on your own wellbeing and seek professional guidance or training if needed. It’s okay to feel unsure - what matters most is your capacity to be there.
Grief is unpredictable and unique to each individual. But with empathy, patience, and a thoughtful approach, educators can provide meaningful support to bereaved pupils during one of the most difficult periods of their lives.
